Speak with Care: 20 Things Not to Say to Someone with Dementia

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Communicating with a loved one living with dementia requires patience, understanding, and thoughtful consideration. Even well-intentioned words can sometimes cause confusion, frustration or emotional distress if they are not expressed carefully. Knowing 20 things not to say to someone with dementia can help caregivers, family members, and friends navigate conversations more successfully.

This blog highlights 20 things not to say to someone with dementia and offers practical strategies for fostering compassionate, person-centered communication. By practicing these approaches, you can support your loved one’s dignity and strengthen your connection while creating a more positive daily experience.

Woman reaching out and speaking with senior woman after reading 20 things not to say to someone with dementia.

Understanding Dementia Communication Challenges

Dementia is more than forgetfulness. It affects memory, behavior, and sensory perception, which can make processing and responding to communication more difficult. Certain words or questions, even if well-meaning, can increase stress or confusion. Understanding these challenges helps caregivers respond with:

  • Patience and empathy
  • Respect and sensitivity
  • Person-centered communication that validates emotions

20 Things Not to Say to Someone with Dementia

Communicating with someone living with dementia can be challenging, and certain phrases or questions—though often well-intentioned—can cause frustration, confusion or emotional distress. Understanding what to avoid helps caregivers and family members connect with empathy, respect, and patience. The following are 20 things not to say, starting with common invalidating statements.

Invalidating Statements

  1. “You’re remembering that wrong.” Saying this can make a person feel unheard and frustrated because their perception of reality is dismissed. Try: “I see it differently; tell me more about your memory.”
  2. “That never happened.” Denying a person’s experience can lead to confusion and emotional distress. Try: “I understand that’s how you remember it.”
  3. “You’re imagining things.” Accusatory language can increase anxiety or defensiveness. Try: “Let’s talk about what you’re feeling right now.”

Memory-Related Questions

  1. “Do you remember what day it is?” Constantly asking about memory can create stress or embarrassment for someone with dementia. Try: Focus on the present moment without testing recall.
  2. “Don’t you recall doing that?” Repeatedly questioning memory can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy. Try: Offer gentle reminders only if needed.
  3. “Why can’t you remember?” Asking this can feel judgmental and make the person feel incapable. Try: “It’s okay, let’s figure it out together.”

Reminders of Loss

  1. “You forgot again.” Highlighting forgetfulness can cause shame, frustration or sadness. Try: “No worries! Let’s do this together.”
  2. “You used to be able to do this.” Comparing past abilities to current limitations can trigger feelings of loss and discouragement. Try: “Let’s try it at your own pace.”
  3. “You’ve lost so much.” Focusing on losses emphasizes what the person can no longer do and can increase emotional distress. Try: Focus on current abilities and strengths instead.

Commands and Complex Instructions

  1. “Go do this now.” Abrupt commands can feel demanding and controlling, which may lead to resistance. Try: “Would you like to help me with this?”
  2. “First do this, then that, then the other thing.” Giving multistep instructions can be overwhelming and confusing. Try: Break tasks into single steps, and guide them gently.
  3. “You have to…” Forceful phrasing can make someone feel pressured or frustrated. Try: Offer simple choices to empower them and encourage participation.

Patronizing or Infantilizing Language

  1. Using baby talk (“good girl/boy”). Speaking in a babyish manner diminishes dignity and can feel insulting. Try: Speak naturally and respectfully at all times.
  2. Oversimplifying every sentence. Oversimplifying speech can be frustrating and condescending. Try: Use clear, concise language without talking down.
  3. “That’s so cute” for adult behavior. Commenting on adult actions in a way that infantilizes them can be upsetting. Try: Acknowledge effort with respect, for example: “You did a great job.”

Direct Confrontation

  1. “You’re wrong.” Arguing about facts can escalate agitation and defensiveness. Try: Redirect the conversation gently, or validate feelings without debating facts.
  2. “Stop saying that.” Telling someone to stop can increase frustration or resistance. Try: Listen actively and acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I hear you.”
  3. “No, you can’t do that.” Abruptly restricting actions reduces autonomy and can create tension. Try: Offer safe alternatives or guide them in a supportive way.

Other Phrases to Avoid

  1. “Calm down!” When you tell someone to calm down, it often creates the opposite effect and can make them feel dismissed. Try: Speak softly, offer reassurance, and model calm behavior yourself.
  2. “It’s not a big deal.” Minimizing a person’s emotions can feel dismissive and invalidating. Try: Validate their feelings by saying, “I understand this is upsetting for you.”

Strategies for Effective Communication

To support meaningful conversations and reduce stress, consider the following strategies:

  • Use simple, clear language and positive phrasing.
  • Focus on emotions rather than factual accuracy.
  • Validate feelings and experiences to show understanding.
  • Encourage choice and autonomy whenever possible.
  • Practice active listening, and maintain patience throughout interactions.

Senior woman and daughter smiling after reading 20 things not to say to someone with dementia.

Connecting Communication to Care at Clarendale Six Corners

Within our memory care program, these communication strategies are woven into daily services to support residents with empathy and respect.

  • Understand dementia and its communication challenges
  • Respond to behavior with patience and empathy
  • Provide person-centered interactions that honor dignity and respect

Families also benefit from guidance in practicing these strategies at home, fostering stronger relationships and reducing stress for both caregivers and residents.

Supporting Meaningful Connections in Memory Care at Clarendale Six Corners

At Clarendale Six Corners, our memory care program is designed to provide residents with compassionate, person-centered support in a safe and engaging environment. Our trained staff focuses on meeting each resident’s unique needs, promoting independence, and fostering meaningful daily experiences that encourage social connection, mental stimulation, and emotional well-being.

Contact Clarendale Six Corners today to schedule a tour and see how our memory care residents thrive with dignity, purposeful engagement, and a supportive community. Our compassionate team provides guidance and support for families navigating dementia care with understanding and respect.